My journey to Mommyhood

Hello! Nagulat kaba? Ngayon palang I would like to warn you that this is not your usual travel article.
On this post I will be sharing my Motherhood journey. (Obvious naman sa title palang, sorry na) HAHA.
Forgive me pero please expect more posts about Mommyhood from me since sa ngayon I've decided to focus on raising this child and pause muna sa byahe byahe pero doncha worry kasi I will be back soon at may backlogs pa ako from previous trips kaya may itineraries parin from time to time. Hindi naman habang buhay bata itong anak ko kaya for now I just want to be with her every step of the way hanggang sa panahon na hindi niya na ako kailangan at maging strong independent woman na siya. Medyo naluha naman ako ng konti thinking na baka dumating yung panahon na yun (Insert Slow down song by Nichole Nordeman)
So awat na sa pagdadrama, ayan ha? I hope this post will not disappoint kasi you've been warned already.
WHEN THE PREGNANCY SHOOKT ME

Diet ako ng diet, dalawang buwan na akong naka no rice pero bakit ganun ang taba ko pa rin? Yung tiyan ko ang laki laki parang manginginom sa kanto. Dive and surf pa more!

When I first learned about the pregnancy back in November 2017, I was worried kasi kung ano ano ginawa ko beforehand naisip ko if okay lang  ba siya at siyempre shookt rin ako kasi ang dami ko pang upcoming trips bago matapos yung taon and the following year though this is something we already expect since hindi na kami maingat kaya technically 50% expected, 50% unexpected itong  pregnancy ko. My first instinct was, ready na ba ako to give up everything? to put someone first other than myself? to be a mom? I mean to be a good mom?

FIRST ULTRASOUND. I still remember my partner was trying to hold back his tears pero alam ko he wanted to cry, happy tears ba.

THE BIG REVEAL

Nung nagsink in na sakin yung about the pregnancy, I was happy to share the good news to my closest friends lang muna. We made the big reveal nung ocular namin for NymPH's new beach project in Matabungkay.

Thank you Tito Van for always making us look more beautiful through your lens.

THROUGHOUT THE PREGNANCY

To be honest hindi ako pinahirapan ng pagbubuntis ko compared to other first time moms. Nakakabyahe byahe pa ako at nakakapag dive during my first and second trimester. Wala rin akong weird food cravings I just want to eat kaya ang bilis ng weight gain ko everytime I visit my OB.

When we found out the gender in march, my very good friend (itago nalang natin sa pangalang "IBYANG" HAHA parang bagyo lang) arranged a luau themed baby shower for me in Bauan at dun naisingit na rin namin yung underwater shoot by another good friend of mine (my brother from another mother Posei). 

Hi Ibyang!

I was also given a chance to have an indoor maternity shoot by another friend ulit (Thank you ANJ)

Sa totoo lang I am so blessed na mapalibutan ng mabubuting tao and I didn't expect na madami silang nagmamahal sakin. I know they are all sincere at hindi nakikichismis lang kasi I can feel their excitement to celebrate this new journey with us.

Nabitin kaba sa kwento ko? I already shared my story toSmart Parenting and they also made a video which made me kilig kasi ang ganda niya! 

Read full article on THIS LINK 

Fast forward to my last trimester, hindi pa rin ako nahirapan except sa sobrang manas ko na to the point na mukhang braso na ni Thanos yung paa ko kaya hindi ako makalakad masyado and had to sleep with my feet elevated.

LABOR AND DELIVERY

June, kabuwanan ko na. I am due June 15, gaining weight week by week and baby shark is around 3.3 kilos already according to my latest ultrasound.

June 8 My OB decided to admit me kasi my contractions were frequent na at I am 4CM dilated. Siguro worried rin siya na hindi ako makapag normal delivery kapag lumaki pa lalo si baby shark. Whenever I ask nga if kaya pa i-normal ang sagot lang sakin "lakasan mo loob mo" diba parang nakakakaba? HAHA

9 AM We went to the admission office and the officer there instructed me to go to the delivery room first to ask if pwede na akong i-admit. Ang buong akala ko magtatanong lang ako sa DR pero nagulat ako pinag palit nako ng hospital gown at pinahiga sa labor room. I AM NOT PREPARED PATI SI HUBBY HINDI.

I am lying in the labor room for God knows how long, may strong non painful contractions pero kahit ganun binigyan pa rin ako ng epidural. Akala ko nga tatanungin pako if gusto ko or not pero sila na nagdecide for me.

4 PM still ganun pa rin, my OB ruptured my water bag kasi I am already 7CM dilated at again may strong consistent contractions but no labor pain, yes I have a very high pain tolerance. I am attached to a machine kaya they can monitor my every contractions and baby shark's heart rate. Close na nga kami nung intern at nakapag share na siya sakin about sa family matters nila kasi parang pumapatay nalang kami ng oras since wala talaga akong nararamdamang pain ang lagi nalang niya sinasabi na ang taas na ng contractions ko, yung ibang nanay daw eh humihiyaw na at that level.

7 PM 9CM dilated unti unti nako nakaramdam ng sakit. Si baby shark tuwing iiri ako ramdam ko na gumagalaw siya siguro ayaw nya magdescend talaga. Yun nalang inaantay ng OB ko - yung magdescend siya.

I don't know what time is it pero hindi ko na maipaliwanag yung sakit. I think almost 1 hour akong ngtiis sa sakit, feverish na rin ako and already having chills. Hindi ko na nga rin masabayan ng iri yung contractions ko kasi sobrang sakit talaga then nung tumaas na heartrate ni baby shark they've decided na i-emergency CS na ako buti nalang talaga at gising ako nun para masabi sa OB ko na I prefer bikini cut if possible (oha! kahit umiiyak nako sa sakit nakapag request pa ako sa OB ko. Priorities) kasi yung husband ko hindi na rin makapagsalita. BUTI NALANG TALAGA.

8:25 PM Baby shark's out. SA WAKAS! TAPOS NA ANG AGONY KO (Akala ko yun na yun). I am half asleep pero when I heard baby shark crying naging emotional ako lalo na nung nilagay siya sa dibdib ko to latch for the skin to skin contact. May mukha na ang baby na dinala ko ng siyam na buwan sa tiyan ko. Hindi na siya complete stranger kasi nung mga unang buwan medyo hesitant ako to talk to her while she's inside my womb dahil nahihiya ako at feeling ko para akong tanga na kinakausap yung sarili ko. Anyway I saw them closing me up on the reflection ng mirror ng OR light before I drifted to dreamland. Hindi naman ako nerbyosa tsaka I was numb that time kaya okay lang kahit makita ko na yung sarili kong wide open.

At 39 weeks I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.

Her name is Amatheia "Amats" Maryse, para fair naghati kami ng hubby ko. Sakin yung first name sa kanya naman yung second.

Amatheia is one of the sea nymph, the one who "rears or nurses" the fish. I chose this name kasi I am a frustrated mermaid and an advocate for ocean conservation.

Maryse is the wife of Miz (favorite wrestling star niya) yun lang walang deep meaning or ibang explanation kaya huwag niyo ng ioverthink. HAHA

I woke up inside the recovery room and I can hear the doctor checking on her. Sadly, hindi siya na room in sakin kasi she had to stay in special care unit due to pneumonia and blood infection that's why she needs to be under medication for 10 days. I am partly to blame kasi may cough and cold ako nung day ng admission ko at hindi ko na rin nabanggit sa OB ko ang tungkol dun dahil siguro excited na ako makasama si Amats. I also thought na it's just allergic rhinitis triggered by weather changes.

Lesson: Always tell your OB lahat para ma make sure na okay kayong mag ina prior to delivery. Mother needs to be physically ready kasi hindi madali manganak lalo na if you have low pain tolerance baka tawagin mo lahat ng santo at masabunutan mo yung doctor.

GOING HOME, NOT.

Almost 12 days kaming pabalik balik sa hospital. I Had to wake up every 3 hours to pump milk to make sure na makuha niya ang colostrum ko. Hindi siya madali, nakakapuyat at nakakadrain emotionally kasi isipin mo yung anak mo na helpless nasa hospital trying to fight her own battle.

I cried nung unang kita ko sa kanya and everytime I think about her. If it weren't for my husband's support baka nagkaroon na ako ng PPD (post-partum disorder). It's hard for both of us and nakikita ko na he's trying to be tough nalang para hindi ako lalong madown.

Turtle dress by Tan & Tanner Co.

GOING HOME, TOTOO NA.

Hindi man naayon sa plano yung nangyari still we're thankful. Naubos yung ipon namin pero with the support of our family and friends (emotionally and financially) nailabas namin si Amats. Bless their generous heart.

FIRST NIGHT

Nung naiuwi na namin siya naisip ko nalang - anong next na?

Hindi ako nakatulog ng maayos sa first night niya sa bahay at gusto ko lang siyang titigan at bantayan. I am also exclusively breastfeeding her kaya gusto ko kapag gigising siya dapat gising rin ako.

I survived 1 week of no sleep and almost lahat powernap. Yung 30mins sleep feeling ko ang tagal na.

BREASTFEEDING AND POST PARTUM WEIGHT LOSS

Sa totoo lang watching her sleep calms me. It's also fulfilling to know that I can nurture her by giving my liquid gold and of course breastfeeding is also beneficial for me. Alam niyo ba 50 kilos ako before I got pregnant, 79 kilos when I gave birth then after a month 60 kilos nalang. I think malakas maka weight loss ang breastfeeding (for me).

NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT THIS

I was busy preparing for my delivery and no one prepared me for post partum constipation. Jusko kahit kinakalahati ko yung galon ng tubig sa bahay at more on high fiber fruits ako ay napunit pa rin ang hindi dapat mapunit. My trips to the restroom was a horror story. Mas natakot pakong mag CR kaysa ma broken heart pero thank God bumalik na sa normal ang bowel movement ko. No more constipation.

To current mom who is reading this - You are welcome.

OUR FIRSTS TOGETHER:

First diaper change skillz unlocked

First burp

First ligo

Una assist lang ako sa mother in law ko then nung pangalawa either ako nalang mag isa or tandem kami ni hubby. Nakakatakot kasi madulas at parang mabibitawan ko siya.

All thanks to YouTube and google university for mommy guides.

First panic

Normal day for us nung napansin ko na medyo mainit siya. When I checked 38.5° ang temperature niya and to be sure I repeated again, got 38.2°. I Went to the nearby lying in clinic nagbakasakali na may pedia pa but they routed me to another clinic which is Pembo doctors. Also notified her pedia pero since short kami and still recovering funds hindi ko na siya dinala sa VRP.

Upon arrival to the clinic tinimbang siya. Her temperature went down to 37.2° when the pedia took it. Kinuhanan rin siya ng dugo and urine and both are normal. We were sent home but told me to monitor her temperature every 4 hrs for 24 hours.

First ER trip

I was breastfeeding when I noticed na mainit init siya (ulit after a week). 38.1° temperature niya when I checked then I gave her paracetamol (per pedia's advise) pag dating ng hubby ko we checked again and 39° na. She looks fine naman except sa umiiyak at ayaw bumitaw sakin pero my hubby was panicking na kaya nahawa nako and we decided to rush her to ER.

Sa ER tinimbang siya then kinuhanan ng ihi, dugo at xray. I was instructed by the nurse to give her sponge bath while waiting for the results.

Again, normal ang ihi at dugo except sa xray nya na may nakitang pneumonia na possible from previous issue niya kasi wala naman nakikitang kakaibang sintomas yung doctor sa kanya during that time kaya pinauwi na kami nung bumaba na lagnat nya.

First health center vaccine

Nagpalista ng 6:30 AM then went home kasi 7:30 AM pa yung bukas ng center. Head back at 8:30 AM Gumawa ng record, tinimbang at sinukat ang haba. She's 4.7 kilos at feeling proud momma ang peg ko kasi she's gaining and it means I am doing something good. By the way I am exclusively breastfeeding her kaya super happy ko.

Nung tinurukan na siya she cried sobra. Pag uwi namin very fuzzy at clingy kaya buhat ko lang siya most of the time and I was comforting and nursing alternately. Nilagnat rin siya but I managed to give her a sponge bath para sumingaw yung init, no meds this time. I couldn't sleep that day kasi I am closely monitoring her temperature. Nakakaawa but this is for her own good na rin in the long run.

Grabe nakakapraning maging ina, konting kibot google, search for related topics sa mga Facebook groups or magtanong to fellow moms. Alam mo yung feeling na you want to know everything kasi you just want the best for your little one.

This is just the start of challenging phase ng buhay ko pero ieenjoy ko to. I am not saying that I am a great mom (because I will never be) but day by day I am getting the hang of it.

To all the moms out there, saludo ako sa inyo! You are doing a great job! Keep it up.

I was actually having second thought whether to post my baby's photo or not but here you go, our little bundle of JOY. Our little mermaid.

Virtual hugs and kisses ❤